Stressed

OK so I am stressed and really not sure what to do about it. Everything is going according to plan but for the last few weeks I have been doubting myself and my capability. I know that with all my heart I am going to serve a mission but i keep thinking about all that I am going to be here.- my brothers graduation from high school, nephews going up, friends getting married and my family. I was talking with a friend of mine about a guy that i like.... and he said that when you get back from your mission you will have a better idea of what you want in a husband. When i get back i will be 26 and thats a little scary for me. i feel like I'm behind the game but deep down i know that this is where the lord has placed me... and i trust in His reasoning. I don't understand it but i have faith in Him. I wonder if I am going to be able to go on a mission and i have the great fear that i will not be called. As i said I am stressed. 

bleassing

I have been so blessed so far. I am amazed at the Lord's hand in  my life at this time. I Have been working on my papers a freaking out about every thing to do with my mission. Money has been a major part of it. I am renting an apartment with some friends and was plaining to get a part time job to make the money for the apartment... In my this seem like the only logical thing to do. As many of you know I am a teacher and i may be able to pick up ten extra hours a week. meaning that i would only work ten hours but would make enough money as if i was working 30 hour at a shop in the mall. I am praying that this works out. i know that it would be the best for me and for my work. 

The other cool thing that happened to me was that last week i was at the Temple and Elder Kikuchi was there. It was really awesome and my testimony grew so much. Before he left he said "To you youth with no exceptions serve a mission" This was the first time in my life i felt like i had my answer. I know that I am meant to serve a mission. It was by far it was one of the coolest thing to ever happen to me.

Lastly i was reading my scriptures and i total know what scripture i want on my plaque...but i will save it for another blog.

Started Working on My Papers

so as i go done with my blog tonight....i was able to get on the church page to start working on my paper. :)< big smile.

So I guess that there is no such thing as "papers" anymore!

So everything is online...and I was told that I would be able to get them this morning.... and so far no go. :( but thats. they will come in due time. I have had a great thought. So here it is.... I was thinking that my future companion/trainer is most likely out or getting ready to go out on her mission. What a great thought so i have been making sure to keep her in all of my prayers. I can't wait. I have also contacted some local sister missionaries to go tracking with. I was reading In Preach My Gospel and in one of the lesson it talks about talking to everyone.... so that is my goal. I will do my best to talk to every one. 

So far not a lot of people know about my plans. but I have chosen to share my mission plans with my co-workers and every single day I have had some question about the church or opportunities to share information about what missionaries do. I wasn't going to do this at first but it felt right and i love it. I can talk openly about it and know that little seeds might be being planted. 

This by far has been the hardest thing that i have ever done but i know with all my hear that this is right. The Lord is going to bless me and my family and my future family. My Branch President was told at the begining of his mission that his future spouse depended on how he served his mission. That has always been something that stuck with me.

So Sunday I get my papers.

This is a big step for me. Some of you may know this but some may not. I have Longed to serve a mission for a really long time and now its that time. I have started to make appointments with docs.  and it really been cool because not matter how long I've wanted to go i have never felt the feelings that I do now. I'm Amazed by the Power of the Lord. I know that the road ahead is going to be a long one but i know that its the right one. I found the song by Kenneth Cope and i feel that is sums up how I am feeling right now. I'm Amazed. I was asked why i felt serving a mission was right for me. I could never find the words to sum up why i knew this is what i need to be doing in my life but this song is like my own word and thoughts if i could put them all together.

I Will Not Stand Still by Kenneth Cope

I've never been the kind to testify

I don't have the words his truth deserves

But it's a simple thing he asks

A worthy heart and willing hands

He says if I'll make the choice

He'll help me find my voice

He calls me to serve and I cannot fail him

The one who has given me all that I have

I place my trust in Him alone 

He knows the yearnings of my soul 

Because He believes in me

I will go willingly

How can I keep this gift to my self

When I can lift somebody else

I am (I'll be) a witness of his miracles and his mercy

I put my future in his hands

Knowing he's made me all I am

(When) I put my faith in Him the (and) truth begins to speak 

His power is real it moves me until I will not be still

Lifting the hands that hang down in sorrow

Strengthening knees that bend in despair

Reaching the hopeless heart who do not know his love 

Seeking their lives to change

I know I'll never be the same 

His power is real

I trust in his will 

I will not be still