where do i go from here......

I am so ready to put my papers in...but i still have some time before that can happen. I kind of had a freak out moment.... so as i was thinking about everything that I have to do before i go a thought came to mind... If everything on my time line goes according to plans i can get my endowments and i was like Wow this is going by so fast. That made me think about how i was preparing and can i be doing better...my answer was yes.. can't we all be doing better. We live in a world that is crazy and times are changing. I'm changing. I have never felt as alone as i have the past couple of months...But i know that i am going. I remember a  saying. "I have never understood how harsh the sound of a hammer and chisel could be until the Lord took me into His hand and made me who I am." I am grateful for the blessing and love that i feel from my Father and Heave and i know He is making into the person that I am meant to be but it is a hard road. I know that i am to serve..I don't think that i have ever felt something so strong and i feel this. I am growing and hope that my faith will be strong enough to make it.

Ok..so life has been a little crazy

Its been sometime and i'm sorry that i have not kept as much as i have wanted..but here i am. I a so blessed and i have some much love for my savior and for the fact that he died for me. I know without a doubt that I am to serve a mission ...but i had not clue what a hard road that it would be. I am amazed how much my heart has grown with love. how great is the love that the Lord has for each of his children.... i am blessed. I have been able to pay off my largest credit card bring me one step closer to going. i feel good. This week i was able to bring some family names to the temple and start their work. i could feel them there with me... and have gained a better understanding of family and how important they are. 

Understanding Gods Will has been a hard but i know that i want his will to be mine and thats a blessing with in its self.-d

So I have been thinking

As my last post said i have been stressed.....but I am doing better.. I have been thinking a lot this last few week about why i know that this is right and I really don't have any answer... but I know that this is what I am to do with my life. There is not a doubt I just know this is. When i was going back a forth going on a mission one of the things that keep coming to mind was "if i don't serve what if someone has to wait to find the gospel". I know that with all my heart that there is someone out there that is  waiting for me. I can describe this feeling or even how i know this but there is not a question in my mind. 

The other think that i have been thinking about is- There are a million reasons for me to stay, but there is not one reason for me not to go. 

I have grown so very much this year and i give all the praises to the Lord for that. I am who i am because of him. For a long time I thought that I knew who I was...but i was wrong... but for once i feel like i belong in this skin.... i know that as long as I am living a Christ-centered life that i will be the person that I am meant to be, and more importantly I will be the person God wants me to be. I never knew that i could feel so much love. 

I may be stressed but I am blessed- dee

BEHOLD THOU HAST A GIFT, AND BLESSED ART THOU BECAUSE OF THY GIFT. REMEMBER IT IS SACRED AND COMETH FORM ABOVE. D&C 6:10

Stressed

OK so I am stressed and really not sure what to do about it. Everything is going according to plan but for the last few weeks I have been doubting myself and my capability. I know that with all my heart I am going to serve a mission but i keep thinking about all that I am going to be here.- my brothers graduation from high school, nephews going up, friends getting married and my family. I was talking with a friend of mine about a guy that i like.... and he said that when you get back from your mission you will have a better idea of what you want in a husband. When i get back i will be 26 and thats a little scary for me. i feel like I'm behind the game but deep down i know that this is where the lord has placed me... and i trust in His reasoning. I don't understand it but i have faith in Him. I wonder if I am going to be able to go on a mission and i have the great fear that i will not be called. As i said I am stressed. 

bleassing

I have been so blessed so far. I am amazed at the Lord's hand in  my life at this time. I Have been working on my papers a freaking out about every thing to do with my mission. Money has been a major part of it. I am renting an apartment with some friends and was plaining to get a part time job to make the money for the apartment... In my this seem like the only logical thing to do. As many of you know I am a teacher and i may be able to pick up ten extra hours a week. meaning that i would only work ten hours but would make enough money as if i was working 30 hour at a shop in the mall. I am praying that this works out. i know that it would be the best for me and for my work. 

The other cool thing that happened to me was that last week i was at the Temple and Elder Kikuchi was there. It was really awesome and my testimony grew so much. Before he left he said "To you youth with no exceptions serve a mission" This was the first time in my life i felt like i had my answer. I know that I am meant to serve a mission. It was by far it was one of the coolest thing to ever happen to me.

Lastly i was reading my scriptures and i total know what scripture i want on my plaque...but i will save it for another blog.

Started Working on My Papers

so as i go done with my blog tonight....i was able to get on the church page to start working on my paper. :)< big smile.

So I guess that there is no such thing as "papers" anymore!

So everything is online...and I was told that I would be able to get them this morning.... and so far no go. :( but thats. they will come in due time. I have had a great thought. So here it is.... I was thinking that my future companion/trainer is most likely out or getting ready to go out on her mission. What a great thought so i have been making sure to keep her in all of my prayers. I can't wait. I have also contacted some local sister missionaries to go tracking with. I was reading In Preach My Gospel and in one of the lesson it talks about talking to everyone.... so that is my goal. I will do my best to talk to every one. 

So far not a lot of people know about my plans. but I have chosen to share my mission plans with my co-workers and every single day I have had some question about the church or opportunities to share information about what missionaries do. I wasn't going to do this at first but it felt right and i love it. I can talk openly about it and know that little seeds might be being planted. 

This by far has been the hardest thing that i have ever done but i know with all my hear that this is right. The Lord is going to bless me and my family and my future family. My Branch President was told at the begining of his mission that his future spouse depended on how he served his mission. That has always been something that stuck with me.